Truly Disappointing

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Packrat no more!!

So I've spent all day (Saturday, day of relaxation) working my ASS off (if only this were in the literal sense). I am repainting, building & sanding furniture for my living room; I'm turning my CO apartment into a beach cottage. My bedroom's done, & I love it! so on to the living room.....the PITA (pain in the ass) portion. I shouldn't say that - when I finish the living room, I'm going to attempt to make my own bed. fun times!! I love playing with power tools, I just tend to get grand ideas with no clue how to do them. But so far, I've done all right. Pretty damn good actually.

My daugher, parents & I are having a garage sale at the end of the month, so today I decided to clean out my storage unit & closets. At one time of the day I think I had about 30 boxes spread out in my little living room amidst my "paint is drying" furniture. Total chaos. At the end of the day, I have more furniture drying, 8 boxes ready to go North for the sale, 4 trips down 3 flights of stairs to the garbage done, and a clean storage unit, boxes neatly labelled & closets cleaned. oh yes, & laundry done. Going through boxes is always fun. You see stuff you haven't seen in YEARS - that you've moved 100 times (my exaggeration number is always 100 you'll see). Some of this you go "ooh, how FUN!" Some of it you go "why in the HELL did I save this??" and some of it you just think "next time I do this I'll decide". and you have to be in the mood to do it right. Today I was in the mood, & had no "next time" moments. I threw out cheerleading outfits, kept girl scout outfit. Don't know why, but it made sense at the time. (could eating girl scout cookies {FABULOUS INVENTION} have had anything to do with it? maybe, maybe not) Boxed up old "bathroom & bedroom schemes" that I've been saving "just in case". Sell 'em, I'll want NEW next time anyway! My daughter's going to hate me - I have not tagged ANYTHING. Boxing it up was enough for a day. Maybe I'll take a day off work & actually help set the sale up instead of just showing up to play with my grandkids (I mean keep them busy & out of stuff & everyone's hair) the day of the sale....or I could show up a day early to "keep the grandkids busy" while daughter K tags my stuff. She's SO good at it, I'd hate to mess it up for her. really I would. just thinking of her...........

Time to watch HGTV, learn some more & have a glass of wine to celebrate my non-packrat home.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Bras, Valium, and Moz- TD's Version of Sex, Drugs, and Rock n Roll

well i went and got my haircut by a "professional." yeeeah, i have never had a longer fuckin hair wash than today. she was all over my head and was practically scrubbing it. ok do i look like i have the mange? you dont need to scrub yo. and as she was scrubbing it she scratched my face with her nail. serious issues. so i got a layer-y kinda thing. its slightly more choppy than i had envisioned but its not bad. i do have some pieces up front that now wont pull back into a ponytail so im sure ill be driven nuts by them for a while, but im fairly pleased. the layers make my hair look like it has some wave to it funny enough. no stick straight hair here right now. and christopher, i meant hair long enough that its down to my boobs. but yeah, i should know better than to be kinda ambiguous. lol!

as for the valium, well hey if youve got some to pass around... naw, im seriously cool now. im thinking the crimson wave had something to do with it. ive never been too nutty during that time, but maybe i just finally had something to be nutty about this week. i think i need to get back on the pill because it seemed to keep me more even and less crampy. plus you know, the whole preventing birth thing is a good idea too. lol!

as for sleepovers, yeah kt you hit the nail right on the head. you dont wanna seem too girly girl girly with your routine but then again you also dont wanna be coming to bed and getting up with a face mask or whatever the cliched image is. where the guy sees you come out of the bathroom and wonders where his girlfriend went. you get the idea. my biggest thing is my brows as ive discussed before. id hate to wake up with them missing. lol! but they are growing out fairly well now so whatever. but still, its stress. but alas a necessity, sleeping over i mean. and kt, i didnt get the reference, i forget what it was, when you mentioned distance not working well. please remind... oh yeah, to our male readers, if you would comment on your thoughts on the sleepover girly routine issue. im curious to see what guys really think about it all...

so yeah, im in the middle of changing the kitty boxes and i have a load of wash in the machine. i also did the dishes and will embark on putting my laundry away. and yes, i will eventually take the trash out. i swear, i hate that chore the most. if i ever live with anyone again i will bargain away everything just so i dont have to take out the garbage. and if i could bargain out of kitty scooping id do that too. thats fair, right? i clean everything else including the bathroom for the other person scooping kitty and taking garbage out. i think its fair. lol!

oh i also went on the great bra search again. i swear to god! i did find a couple of bras but they arent very cutesy vickis cute. theyre kinda like sports bras but actually have cups and underwire and look more bra-like but with that nice sporty silky material. hey theyre better than what i have now which even the clerk said looked dowdy. and these im wearing now dont have underwire and i quickly realized i needed it. i will never win this battle, i realize that. whoever is taking off my shirt and later my bra just has to deal with the fact that i like my boobs to be in place and not move or pooch out or be lifted like the st pauley girl's boobs or padded or demi-thised or demi-thated. i will sacrifice cutesy for functionality. then again if im buying something for the "boudoir" it probably wont be on long so functionality plays less of a role. but still, all these bra makers need to do is glue lace-y shit or whatever to the functional bras and theyd be cuter. or make them in fun colors. why they dont do that i will never know yo. seriously...

oh yeah, i couldnt believe it the other day, but target sells moz! i bought his new cd and have listened to most of it. i gotta say i was skeptical when all the music mags said it was a return to old school moz, but they were right. he isnt so angry and l.a. anymore. so far the albums good and it has this boom boom quality to it in places, very nice. and the kids choir is a nice touch. ironic. and from the article i read in rolling stone moz apparently has finally gotten laid, or at least admitted to it. when asked about his sexual activity and whether hes gotten laid moz said, "well its about time dont you think?" oh yes moz it is about time. mazeltov! im so glad youve gotten some action yo. so does this mean the stars are in alignment for some crazy paradigm shiftin action around these parts? who knows, but one can hope so. because if moz can have sex and admit it, well shit, anything can happen.

so yeah, so far my raiden-free weekend is going along swimmingly. and im ok about it. im beginning to truly believe this is a good thing. i am not that nutty girl. i do have a life...even if it is kinda dull. lol! hmmm maybe anything can happen.....

Thursday, April 06, 2006

La La La La LAAAAA, Im Not Thinking About You, Noooooo Im Not, I Swear.....

its funny you mentioned hair, kt, because i am going for my first haircut in almost two years tomorrow. i tried calling my usual stylist but she isnt at the same salon and they claim to not know where she is. so it looks like im just gonna hit some regular haircut place. im gonna be nervous as hell but i NEED a haircut. my hair is as long as its been in probably 15 years. its about boob length at this point and its heavy. its all one length and i dont think it really frames my face well. so im gonna go in to some random place and ask for some long layers with some shorter ones around the face i think. cross your fingers! i hope it turns out ok. lord i hope it turns out ok.....

i went back to old navy again today. i gots me some shorts yo.....from the mens dept. i know, regression, but honestly, all the girls shorts blew major chunks. the mens shorts are made of real material and arent flimsy and they fit great and all my junk is covered. so im not really angry at myself for the shorts, maybe for the boy t-shirts.....

i also looked for some jammies. i found a pair of light jammie bottoms at old navy that i bought. no good corresponding shirts though. they all have matchy tanks but i wasnt really buying for just me. yes the sleepover thing has been briefly spoken of. and yes i was buying nice jammies for potential future sleepovers. lemme just start off by saying that i was the one who said we had some time to go before the sleepover. i deserve kudos for that one. and i told raiden he would have to ask me, that i would not presume sleepovers. and i said we were taking it slowly. naturally he asked me right then and there if i wanted to sleep over. silly boy. he had mentioned earlier in the conversation about having trouble sleeping. i told him to try the couch because that worked for me. he said he thought that snuggling with me might help. once again, silly boy. cute, but silly. the topic continued in conversation because of the distance issue. well, and because of my schedule too. and i know kt can comment on this particular topic.

the distance in our instance isnt a big deal really, its mostly my work schedule. im losing my last weekend day this weekend. after this weekend i get weds, thurs, fri off. a month after that i get tues, weds, thurs, etc etc. so basically that means i wont be off when raidens off which means that ill be the one driving to columbus during the week. which also means that the sleepover could be a good tool, meaning that i come up one day and leave the next evening. you know, to get some quality time. while its a good tool, it really is something to ease into i think. sleepovers are a rather intimate thing. i love the snuggly part of it, its just the whole what happens in the morning when i wake up and have to do my girly stuff part thats weird. ya know?? my routine is me. am i ready to show me yet? you know, ME me.

plus, and this is the reason i was looking for jammie pants and tops, snuggling in bed leads to more than snuggling. i know i am NOT ready for more than snuggling now. and i figured that jammie pants and a t-shirt put enough in between raiden and my parts and temptation. though i know he wouldnt do anything to make me uncomfortable. we've had that brief conversation too. sleepover is merely that, sleeping over. shit, kids not even just leaned all the way in to kiss me, he aint gonna grab my crotch or ask me to take off my shirt. its not his style. but precaution never hurt nobody. plus it keeps my halo in place...oh thats right i dont have one, shit.....

but yeah, no raiden this weekend. hes in charge of a bunch of training stuff (sucks to be the head cheese) and its gonna be during the day and at night. he did however insist on next weekend. he said hes missed me this week and has been thinking about me. thats nice. he promised to call and text me when he can. this weekend is gonna be good for me i can tell. the last few days ive been fuckin jittery as shit. i was so lookin forward to seeing him this weekend. he was all that was on my brain (and of course that was driving me crazy). course at work there isnt much to do a lot of the time so its easy to have boy on the brain. however, boy on the brain can be deadly! i dont wanna feel like a crack junkie looking around for something to pawn for another fix, its just not fonzie yo.

so yeah, another week to wait. i swear its gotta be good for me. distance=good, right? dont need to get into bad habits like the whole talking to him every day thing and the whole whirlwind thing. to quote that 90s one hit wonder, jane child, "dont wanna fall in love, love hurts just like a knife" although she then says, "you make that knife feel good." shit, im fucked. naw, ive got stuff to do to keep me busy. i need to clean my apt aka cat-cutta, i need to do laundry and then put my laundry away, i need to spring clean and throw shit out. i need to get some reading in. i need to do some running since ive fucked up the first of this week and didnt run. i may even go see a movie with my buddy, myles, from work. ive got tivo to catch up on and my hair to get cut of course. i may even try my bra hunt again (that will take me a while!). the bra i have now doesnt have an underwire, big mistake.

i have a life, i have shit going on. i will not think about raiden. i swear. really. i SWEAR swear. seriously. dammit, hes just so cute and smart and nice and snuggly. fuck. FUCK.....


We have wind up here on the prairies. Lots of wind. Today we have more than normal wind. We have stormy wind, but without the actual storm. Supposedly there is a storm somewhere, but I don't know where and it's not raining, so all is well.

As I was getting wind-blown up the path, eating my hair, I was thinking about hair. It's sort of an obsession of mine. I have thick, sort of wavy, dark brown hair. It doesn't take dye; I've tried.

When I graduated high school, I think it was shoulder length. Sophomore year of college, I got a boy-cut. It was cheek bone length when I graduated college (in between those last two, I more than once attempted to cut my own hair. BAD IDEA. Just say NO.). Then I didn't cut it for over two years. In grad school, I grew it out to the bottom of my shoulder blades. Then I cut it off to just below my ears right before I defended my thesis. It's now below shoulder length again and I'm staring longingly at hot cute short hair cuts, but it took me SO long to get here.

I was watching some show on TV where these blond chicks were going on modeling calls. They had LONG, nearly waist-length hair. It was sexy, in the way that our culture things long hair is. My hair is way too heavy for that. And then I see this cute mod cut on another blond chick in a commercial, and it's sassy and free-spirited and I want her hair instead.

Your hair is supposed to make a statement about how you see yourself. I'm queen of hair products, but don't like to spend that much time fixing it each morning. And days like today, which are more common than not, all I get to say to the world with the dead locks on my head is that I've been outside in the wind. GREAT statement.

Moz was right about the Hairdresser on Fire. "It could change my life," he says of the urgent haircut. It doesn't, of course, since hair is dead, but when you change the way you feel about yourself based on how you look (and how you think you look), it does change your outlook. Fascinating never-ending circle.

And you know what? It's just hair.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

because I don't want to either....

When I started work here, I discovered the online dictionary (Webster's). I love it. I love the dictionary. My first favorite book was a picture dictionary that I still have. When Susan and I lived together in college, I slept with the dictionary next to my alarm clock. That way I didn't have to get up when I needed to look up a word for debate. But my problem with the dictionary is that I tend to easily get distracted from my original stated purpose and end up learning random new words that I just absolutely need to know right now. Hence, I do have a decent vocabulary and some people find me difficult to understand.

I like words. They have precision and ambiguity at the same time. Take the following example from this week's A.Word.A.Day listserv:
"On the contrary" and "au contraire" mean the same thing. Literally. But in use-value they differ. The former is serious, indicating an actual debate. The latter is flip and sassy, not serious. They are different in tone.
Which is why I love words.

My point about the online dictionary is that I cannot get distracted. I look up ONE word by typing it in to the happy search engine. I get the definitions for that word alone.

Today I came across a word that was NOT in the online dictionary. Or, rather, it was, but I needed to subscribe the unabridged version. I didn't. I used those skills learned back in some time like 4th grade where you infer the meaning of the word by its context. I'm good at that.

I am made unaccountably happy by the fact that one of my authors actually stumped me with a word.

Hmmm. Was that too confessional for today?

Since Susan asked.....

Cookie Recipe

Mix 47 cups of cloroxbleach with 2 cups of rutabagas. Beat until furry. Add 3 1/2 cups of colonblow until the mixture plays. Scoop spoonfuls and roll them into trapezoids. Place them on a well- smiled cookie sheet. Cook at 350 degrees for 12 minutes. Allow to cool on a recliner. Decorate with cumin. Serve with a nice hot mug of dietcoke.

CoolLibs...Thanks be to Google. I don't want to work.