Truly Disappointing

Monday, May 01, 2006

you. just. have. to. laugh. really, you do.

MY. JOB. SUCKS. I could very well open my mouth this week & either be fired or quit because MY bonus is being held because of something my "boss" did. The week will get much worse before it has ANY hope of getting better. To make me feel better, my mother offered to let me move home. NOT gonna happen. She also suggested quitting & "getting that money that people get when they lose their jobs". Isn't she sheltered-cute? After informing her that you don't get UNEMPLOYMENT when you quit, & if you did it DOESN'T cover the bills, she changed the subject.

So today, as I'm about to lose it, daughter K calls. She makes me laugh. Today's conversation was a quickie, she was headed to her 1 day a week job (it's all she wants so she can be mom the other days), but it reminded me of a conversation a few years back when she was going to school to be a vet tech. She talks VERYfast when excited, I must warn you. And this post should probably be rated not-for-kids.
Me: "How was school today?"
K: "OMG-Mom,-you'll-NEVER-believe-what-we-DID,-it-was-SO-exCITING!"
now we move to the part of the conversation that I swore I HEARD.
Continuing K: "We-(something-something)-anal-sex-with-DOGS!!! (insert Charlie Brown's teacher talking here only FAST & EXCITED because I didn't hear any more after that last statement)
AND SHE'S STILL TALKING! AND EXCITED!! At this point, my world is in slow motion. I have stopped breathing. I'm wondering how quickly the EMT's can get to me. I'm wondering if I can call 911, or if she'll talk right through it & I won't be able to hang up & DIAL 911. I have taken the phone from my ear out to take a look at it. A look of sheer terror/disbelief. She's still talking. SHE'S STILL EXCITED. I still don't hear what she's saying. I don't know that I'm breathing yet. I did NOT raise my daughter this way. Where is she, & what have they done with my daughter?? Is this ILLEGAL? It's sick & WRONG, this much I know. AND SHE'S STILL EXCITEDLY TALKING. To her MOTHER. About THIS. I know we're CLOSE, but UH UH NO. But I'd rather she told me so that I can get her the help she needs.....OMG WHAT DID SHE SAY???

SO. I finally get the phone back to my ear......I still don't think I'm breathing. And I ask. "K, what did you say?" She starts in on whatever the last thing she was talking about was.....I interrupt. "No, about the anal & the dogs". "Oh, we expressed the anal sacs of dogs today". WELL. I'm analSTUPID I guess, I'd never HEARD of such a thing. So she explains it to me. Gross really, but it needs to be done for the poor dogs. It's good for them, someone needs to do it. And as gross as it is, she's loving school & everything involved with it. And SOnot the sick chick I thought she was for a millisecond there. I'm happy. So then I told her what I thought she'd said. and we friend snorted beer out her nose. It still makes me laugh today, when I really needed it. She worked today; she loves her job! Maybe I'll give her a call & see what fun she had. Live vicariously through her & the anal sacs of dogs everywhere. ewwwwwwww.

P.S. They spayed heifers today, not much for funny stories to tell.


  • Your job sucks. Your boss sucks more. But your daughter is awesome.

    By Blogger Cooth, at 8:04 AM  

  • If my mother ever said anal sex to me, I'd die of a heart attack.

    But then? You have to meet my mother.

    There are reasons I never fulfilled my 8 year old fantasy of being a vet.

    By Blogger kT, at 8:22 AM  

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