Truly Disappointing

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Mixed Signals

wow, last night sucked majorly hard. it started off well until i sprained my ankle in the park playing fucking frisbee. that put a damper on things needless to say. the rest of the night was mixed signals and susan being pissy. i of course will explain...

at one point after i had iced my ankle and hung out some i got up and went to pee. i came back and was gonna kiss raiden so i straddled him and went in for the kill. he was having none of it. conversation ensued and came up repeatedly throughout the night. he said he wanted to wait until the moment was right, until it really meant something. i countered with, well you wanted to kiss me last time and the time before so whats changed? he said he was feelin it those times and not so much right now. so i said, so does that mean you arent liking me as much tonight or what? he reiterated the whole i want you to be a special person to me and i want it to be right line. needless to say i pouted for a while. it really hurt my feelings. total rejection. i dont know what to make of his whole special moment line. mixed signals.

then at one point we were fucking around online and i saw he had a yahoo personals window minimized. i made a goofy comment about it and he blew it off. i went to pee again and came back and saw him closing an actual personal ad before i got to the couch. it was some cute girls picture. i asked about it. he said well you have your ad up still and i bet you check it. i told him i really didnt anymore. he said that he answered the one ad he wanted to already (implying my ad). he said that this chick just typed him. i told him he didnt need to hide it from me. i said well i shouldnt be getting upset considering i dont have claim to you at this point. he said well do you want claim? i said well do you want me to stake my claim? he said i asked you first. i said sure i wouldnt mind claim. i then asked him to answer my question and he said yes he wanted me to stake claim. so apparently claim has been staked. yeah i dont know what that means either. but the whole personals ad browsing while im there and then tryin to hide it, not cool. mixed signals.

of course there was also the size 10 womens skirt that was laying on the countertop next to his car keys. i didnt get around to asking about that one. or about the note in his calendar which was laying open on the countertop about karen or kelly or whatever coming in this weekend. may be one of his sisters, but i didnt ask. or it may be an ex-gf seeing as how he still has a mix cd by a girl with the note on it of "heart k." mixed signals.

i really dont wanna be that girl who is like, who is that, whats that, whats going on. yet at the same time i kinda am that girl. when theres mixed signals its hard to build trust. when theres stuff going on like i described its hard to build trust. its hard for me to build trust anyways let alone with all these possible clues popping up. it seems i have swung from dismissing most clues to analyzing everything as if its a clue. ultimately i cannot be with someone i dont trust, but the question is how long do you go to see if trust is there? and how do i address these concerns of mine about the skirt and all that without coming off like glenn close in fatal attraction? if i dont mention them wont they fester? they may fester anyways because whos to say ill believe what he tells me. mixed signals.

he talks a good game about theres nothing he can say or do to reassure me or whatever. and he knows i have trust issues because its been discussed briefly before. so i dont know what to say or do here. when we woke up this morning it was akward. fyi it was just sleep, or no sleep in my case. its awkward anyways but it was really bad. i got the one arm hug. thats not good. not much was said. he asked if i slept ok and i said no that i had a hard time getting to sleep. he asked why and i said i was thinking about a lot of stuff. he asked about what stuff and i said my ankle and some other stuff. he wanted to talk about it and i said that 5:30am wasnt the best time. he dropped it. so yeah, i dont know whats up. i dont know what his deal is and i dont know how i feel about him anymore. mixed signals.

im really havin a hard time right now. the sprain was just injury to insult. im so confused and so afraid. im being a crazy person i dont want to be. how do i make it all stop???

mixed fucking signals.

6 Comments:

  • honestly? sounds like a player to me. Wants YOU to commit (stake a claim, whatever), but he won't. Or else the skirt, personal ad, etc. would NOT have been there when you were. Skirt could be a sister's, personal ad was not. Just my ohso humble opinion.

    By Anonymous tug, at 11:06 AM  

  • Susan,

    First of all, thank you for the comments over "there". Sounds like you do understand what I went through. Of course, I know your friendship with kT is special, so thanks for looking at my side objectively.

    Ok, now since I'm neck-deep in this soap opera, I'll throw in my 2 cents worth on your situation (not that you asked for it). You've seen evidence that he is possibly interested in seeing other people. Personally, I think he leaving a skirt on the table when a date is coming over is kind of weird, even if it is "his sister's", but that's just me. My suggestion is for you to keep looking also. I'm not going to label him a "player" because I don't know him. I'm not saying don't see him anymore, that's up to you. Just don't cancel your Yahoo subscription yet. Sorry about your ankle, hope it is better today. I'll close the door on the way out.

    By Anonymous dinoboy, at 12:26 PM  

  • Dude. I've been with you when you're injured. You're ... well, touchy. (I still remember getting yelled at for driving The Speed Limit coming back from Athens at 3 am.....with a cop on our tail....) ja.

    Anyway, the personals ad browsing while you were there? Not so much cool. Keep the ad up, fine. Check it? Fine. Do it while you are there? Highly questionable judgement, IMO.

    But then again, my dating issues have touched off a maelstrom of comment and controversy, so who am I to speak?

    Pay attention and trust your gut. Your gut seems to be saying things aren't right at the moment.

    By Blogger kT, at 1:39 PM  

  • yeah how funny is that? you dump a guy via voicemail and theres a shitstorm of discussion. me, i can talk about everything under the sun and no shitstorm. go fig. and im the one who more or less fully discloses. but anyways...

    yes, my gut is telling me something is wrong. whether its wrong with him or wrong with me or both, somethings wrong. now how long to take to figure it out or cut bait???

    By Blogger Susan, at 2:39 PM  

  • Well, if current experience says anything, trying to see where things go can be a mistake. Not seeing where things might go can be a mistake. So basically, bend over and take it.

    [passing Vaseline]

    Look. If you think there's something worth following up on, but you cut bait too soon, you're going to wonder if the big fish was ready to bite. If you cautiously let the line float, you may get a bite, or you may lose the bait, or you may catch the fish.

    I really need to find something to metaphor in that I actually understand. But you know in which direction my ship was sailing.

    By Blogger kT, at 2:45 PM  

  • Pretty stupid things to do on a "date". Check yahoo personals and leave a skirt laying around? Hmmm....makes me wonder.

    I say step-back. I may be old-fashioned, but I think you should just wait for him to make a move.

    I suck at that and I'm single. so don't listen to me.

    By Blogger Cooth, at 3:18 PM  

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