Truly Disappointing

Thursday, April 06, 2006

La La La La LAAAAA, Im Not Thinking About You, Noooooo Im Not, I Swear.....

its funny you mentioned hair, kt, because i am going for my first haircut in almost two years tomorrow. i tried calling my usual stylist but she isnt at the same salon and they claim to not know where she is. so it looks like im just gonna hit some regular haircut place. im gonna be nervous as hell but i NEED a haircut. my hair is as long as its been in probably 15 years. its about boob length at this point and its heavy. its all one length and i dont think it really frames my face well. so im gonna go in to some random place and ask for some long layers with some shorter ones around the face i think. cross your fingers! i hope it turns out ok. lord i hope it turns out ok.....

i went back to old navy again today. i gots me some shorts yo.....from the mens dept. i know, regression, but honestly, all the girls shorts blew major chunks. the mens shorts are made of real material and arent flimsy and they fit great and all my junk is covered. so im not really angry at myself for the shorts, maybe for the boy t-shirts.....

i also looked for some jammies. i found a pair of light jammie bottoms at old navy that i bought. no good corresponding shirts though. they all have matchy tanks but i wasnt really buying for just me. yes the sleepover thing has been briefly spoken of. and yes i was buying nice jammies for potential future sleepovers. lemme just start off by saying that i was the one who said we had some time to go before the sleepover. i deserve kudos for that one. and i told raiden he would have to ask me, that i would not presume sleepovers. and i said we were taking it slowly. naturally he asked me right then and there if i wanted to sleep over. silly boy. he had mentioned earlier in the conversation about having trouble sleeping. i told him to try the couch because that worked for me. he said he thought that snuggling with me might help. once again, silly boy. cute, but silly. the topic continued in conversation because of the distance issue. well, and because of my schedule too. and i know kt can comment on this particular topic.

the distance in our instance isnt a big deal really, its mostly my work schedule. im losing my last weekend day this weekend. after this weekend i get weds, thurs, fri off. a month after that i get tues, weds, thurs, etc etc. so basically that means i wont be off when raidens off which means that ill be the one driving to columbus during the week. which also means that the sleepover could be a good tool, meaning that i come up one day and leave the next evening. you know, to get some quality time. while its a good tool, it really is something to ease into i think. sleepovers are a rather intimate thing. i love the snuggly part of it, its just the whole what happens in the morning when i wake up and have to do my girly stuff part thats weird. ya know?? my routine is me. am i ready to show me yet? you know, ME me.

plus, and this is the reason i was looking for jammie pants and tops, snuggling in bed leads to more than snuggling. i know i am NOT ready for more than snuggling now. and i figured that jammie pants and a t-shirt put enough in between raiden and my parts and temptation. though i know he wouldnt do anything to make me uncomfortable. we've had that brief conversation too. sleepover is merely that, sleeping over. shit, kids not even just leaned all the way in to kiss me, he aint gonna grab my crotch or ask me to take off my shirt. its not his style. but precaution never hurt nobody. plus it keeps my halo in place...oh thats right i dont have one, shit.....

but yeah, no raiden this weekend. hes in charge of a bunch of training stuff (sucks to be the head cheese) and its gonna be during the day and at night. he did however insist on next weekend. he said hes missed me this week and has been thinking about me. thats nice. he promised to call and text me when he can. this weekend is gonna be good for me i can tell. the last few days ive been fuckin jittery as shit. i was so lookin forward to seeing him this weekend. he was all that was on my brain (and of course that was driving me crazy). course at work there isnt much to do a lot of the time so its easy to have boy on the brain. however, boy on the brain can be deadly! i dont wanna feel like a crack junkie looking around for something to pawn for another fix, its just not fonzie yo.

so yeah, another week to wait. i swear its gotta be good for me. distance=good, right? dont need to get into bad habits like the whole talking to him every day thing and the whole whirlwind thing. to quote that 90s one hit wonder, jane child, "dont wanna fall in love, love hurts just like a knife" although she then says, "you make that knife feel good." shit, im fucked. naw, ive got stuff to do to keep me busy. i need to clean my apt aka cat-cutta, i need to do laundry and then put my laundry away, i need to spring clean and throw shit out. i need to get some reading in. i need to do some running since ive fucked up the first of this week and didnt run. i may even go see a movie with my buddy, myles, from work. ive got tivo to catch up on and my hair to get cut of course. i may even try my bra hunt again (that will take me a while!). the bra i have now doesnt have an underwire, big mistake.

i have a life, i have shit going on. i will not think about raiden. i swear. really. i SWEAR swear. seriously. dammit, hes just so cute and smart and nice and snuggly. fuck. FUCK.....

6 Comments:

  • One word:
    Valium.

    By Blogger Mark Base, at 8:12 AM  

  • thinking is fun/fine/warm&fuzzy. obsessively questioning everything & driving yourself nuts - not-so fun/fine/warm&fuzzy. having a life with warmfun thoughts makes for a good weekend. enjoy!

    By Anonymous tug, at 8:25 AM  

  • shit forgot - & share the valium

    By Anonymous tug, at 8:26 AM  

  • Distance is good -- sort of. It can be a double-edged sword (BTDT, remember?)

    On one hand, you cannot be together every day or just on a whim. You have to plan it and anticipate it, and to me, anticipation is one of the sweetest parts of beginnings.

    On the other hand, you get to know a whole lot about the other person's daily life because you do end up spending the night sooner than you might have otherwise. In order to try and maintain the low-maintenance, up for anything, not-too-girly girl image, you have to streamline the routine, which is uncomfortable.

    For me? I am SLOW in the morning. You and Cathy can attest to my aversion to the morning hours. If I get my shit together and just MOVE, I can be ready in about 30 minutes, from pajamas to walking out the door. Normally, though, it takes me an hour and a half. And it, unfortunately, doesn't show. But that's me.

    Embrace the challenge.
    Don't obsess.
    And take your fucking trash out.

    By Blogger kT, at 10:27 AM  

  • "my hair is as long as its been in probably 15 years. its about boob length at this point..."

    How long are your boobs?


    Kidding.

    By Blogger Christopher, at 11:55 AM  

  • LMBFAO!!!

    By Blogger Cooth, at 1:43 PM  

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