Truly Disappointing

Monday, March 27, 2006

tired, ennui, blah

It's spring. I woke up to snow.

I'm tired. I'm bored. I hate the general public and I don't want to do my job today. I am completely blah.

I've been having these long, weird dreams -- complicated fabrics of people I've known in the past and some I know today -- and the dreams are all about disappointing people and being too self-centered to be of use to the world. I guess I just feel sort of useless and like I'm not much of a good friend. I know part of that is that I've let a few people just slide out of my life lately. I stopped chasing them down. I stopped being the one to put all the effort into it. I spend most of my time with the few people that I don't have to chase or put effort into it. I'm not a good date right now. I worry that DB and I have run out of things to talk about already -- and that's not a good sign.

I don't like where I am in my head space right now -- I don't much like me. I can't read anything that isn't a good plot-driven novel -- I want to escape into a different world, one in which I am not. Spent the whole weekend reading, pretty much. I can put myself in books in a way that I can't put myself in TV. I guess it's all those years of practice, hiding in my room in my books for so much of my childhood. Maybe someday soon I will want to come out of hibernation. But right now I like my tea and books.

The highlight of my day, and possibly my week: I have a full punch card for the Pizza The Hut buffet. Cathy and I get free pizza today. I'm so going to gorge.

2 Comments:

  • Just because we sat at my place and watched "The Lawrence Welk Show" and ate hotdish with ketchup on it, does not mean that your life is blah.

    By Blogger Cooth, at 3:01 PM  

  • I shocked at Lawrence Welk. That show is proof that I can make ANYTHING into a gutter moment. ANYTHING.

    By Blogger kT, at 4:02 PM  

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