Truly Disappointing

Saturday, March 11, 2006

step back

Dude, Susan, yes, step back. I don't know why you're emotional, but it has nothing to do with a "hidden" blog. You knew it was out there and being as you're all way more techno than I am, I figured if you were interested, you'd find it. I post on it because I'm more written verbal than I am oral verbal -- you know that. Shit, I wrote you letters when we lived in the same 12x15 cell. The blog is linked through my profile on blogger. But hey, if it helps, I post stuff on there I'm just not ready to say outloud. I can write it, but not always speak it. If you were left out, it was because you didn't go looking. If I really didn't want you to know that my other blog existed, I'd never have mentioned it. Totally not an issue if your detective/spidey senses didn't engage -- not for me, at least. This is more of a discussion blog. It's not all about me and some of the things that are going on aren't for discussion -- they just are. I've never wanted everyone's opinion on whatever issues I have -- that's a major difference between us. Not bad, not good, just different.

For the record, I don't think we have any outside readers.

Re: "stood up." Is there a distance/time factor? An out-of-town trip takes longer to plan and engage. So the night before? To me? Still standing up. You either do or don't. Back off if you need to, which is what stand up #1 was. But don't re-engage if you're not ready (this is what, engagement round 5?)

I totally understand personal reservations. I am queen of the step forward -- two steps back emotional dance. But you can't really step back without engaging at some level, can you? Your boy is doing an extreme version of the two-step and it's jerking you around, in my opinion, which is BS.

There are always transitions. My life has been weird this year. I've spent most of 2006 sick. I started the year well -- up beat and feeling all large and in charge. My body, the medical and insurance systems, and my seagull boss have beaten me down. And yet, I'm not ready to give up because damnit, I do have some control in this chaos! We've been friends for over 10 years. We've gone years without talking much. I don't think this is one of those times, but I don't expect the frequency of communication to change the friendship part. I've got your six if you need me.

I'm sorry you felt out of the loop. I can't remedy that, but I can say that it wasn't intentional.


  • see i think this is another situation where i forgot how you are. you always had a way of not giving full disclosure with me and that always hurt my feelings. i guess i just saw your "secret blog" lol as being a reminder of that. i respect you needing your own place to just state stuff and not solicit other people's comments. thats cool, i can dig. i just hate feeling out of the loop and you didnt exactly invite me over to the blog.

    i guess it was just a middle school moment of am i really her best friend or have i been dumped for the cooler kids? lol! it all goes back to my fear of abandonment.

    whether its always apparent or not i totally love you. you know me better than anyone else in any dimension. when your friends are your family, thats a lot, its a big deal. i just didnt want to think i had been left behind and i dont mean in that creepy rapture book series way yo.

    By Blogger Susan, at 5:15 AM  

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