Truly Disappointing

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Ive Been Whiskey-Fingered.....And I Kinda Liked It

yep, i got whiskey-fingered. and not by whom you might expect. first of all, for all of you who dont know what whiskey-fingering is its when you call somebody after youve been drinking. though in this case it wasnt whiskey it was scotch. props for the expensive booze yo.

yup, february arrives and so doth garrett. apparently garrett had been partaking of a little scotch and decided to finally call me. now, to digress slightly, i usually find it amusing when people get tipsy. its interesting to see how they act when their guards are down some. though sometimes its annoying to be straight when others around you are sloshed. in this case it was interesting from a human observation standpoint.

to set up some background, garrett is fairly quiet on the phone. i usually do most of the talking because thats just me. i always got the impression he was slightly shy maybe or was one of those guys who didnt speak much unless they had something to say which is quite the opposite of me.....i pretty much spew regardless of if i have anything to really say. so with the addition of some spirits garrett hath become mr chats-a-lot. he was very open and chatty and wasnt so whispery. kinda the steve on booze effect, but garrett was never as bad as steve was straight.

so here i am trying to play it cool and not be that girl, you know the whole where the fuck have you been girl. though i did ask and need to follow up on his response. i asked him why he waited 9 days to call me again and he said he was "off in his own world." does this mean the brig? i dunno. i need to ask again when hes not so giddy and goofy. because i do deserve an explaination of some kind. this cant just go by the wayside because it bugged me and it was rather rude. so please no comments here kt about this. i am totally aware. ok?!

so he proceeds to ask me later in the conversation why im talking to him. odd question. i ask him to explain. why wouldnt i talk to him? he called afterall and just hanging up woulda been rude. well garrett is really looking for more info here in a very susan way. he wants to know what i think about him but hes tryin to backdoor it. so anyways, i end up telling him that i enjoy talking to him. and he pulls a susan again and asks why. i explain to him that he seems smart and funny and cute so why wouldnt i wanna talk to him. theres some goofy chatting in between and i then ask him why he wants to talk to me. yeah, real clever, not. so he proceeds to tell me, and i will quote where i can remember.

he said im "very intelligent and clever." interesting choice of words, clever. he says i always seem to be in a good mood when he calls. and he likes the tough cop chick thing. then he says something about me having "the touch." i ask him what he means and he says it means that i seem to be very sincere. ok, weird way to put that. then he says that i "look like a china doll" and he wants to "bite my white ass." yep, the scotch talking. and the ass comment refers to a pic i sent him. i havent decided whether to post it yet. its basically part of my white ass. classy black and white shot, no nasty porno crack shots, ok. and throughout the conversation he'd say "i so wanna make out" and hed say 'out' in that very minne-soh-tah way. it was actually fairly amusing in an odd way. i told him that was the year in iraq talking and he said it wasnt. he said he couldve been with plenty of chicks if hed wanted to but he hadnt. i asked why not and he said that it has to be right, ya know. ok, interesting.

and then he started hinting in a very susan way which i have learned to read and pick up on quickly that he wants to come up to atlanta. hes leaving for minne-soh-tah on the 8th so that means this weekend. so yes theres tentative plans to come up saturday, 2 days away. i asked him if he was worried about meeting me and he said "absolutely not." he said he couldnt wait to get here and give me a big hug and talk and snuggle and talk and spoon. yet again, scotch talking. and he apparently has this thing for "the smell behind a woman's ear." ok, i totally dont get that, but ill play along and clean real good back there and spritz it up some.

he seems very motivated and excited. of course this worries me some. funny how this would worry me of all people. anyways, he eventually asked me about what would happen if things got serious. hes enlisted again for another 4 years and hes going to airborne school at ft bragg in may. he said something like, "what if we meet and it goes well and we want to keep doing that all the time and things progress and im off someplace else and youre there in atlanta?" slightly cart before the horse frankly, but legit discussion topic. so i explained my theory on life and whats important to me and my plans and etc. he dug the vibe i was sendin yo.

the whole topic was kinda weird honestly. though it was interesting to see hed been thinking about it. but why i ask? isnt it slightly early to really think too much about that? and i told him it was a little early to discuss really and it was more cross that bridge when we get to it. but anyways. from garrett's demeanor on the phone it seems that if things do go well at our alleged meet that we could possibly end up in a vegas quickie chapel in the not so distant future. and lets be honest, we all figured thats how itd go down with me anyways, right? i promise plenty of pics. lol!

so yeah. whiskey-fingered. not sure what to completely think about it. im worried hes too enthused. im worried hes too seemingly into me. im worried of course that hes gonna houdini again. im worried theres some deep dark secret hes hiding. lets face it, im worried. ok, maybe paranoid is the more appropriate word. grassy knoll anyone?

and yeah, booze usually loosens tongues, but im still wary. trust hath not been earned yet and im at serious wary. i wanna believe hes really into me, but i dont wanna read anything into anything. i dont wanna set myself up for another plunge to the depths. yes, i know, even speaking to him and agreeing to meet is setting myself up to some extent. but seriously, we all know me and we all know that if i didnt meet him once i would be curious forever. this has to be done. im sorry, but it does. for me.

and yes, sadly, i hate to admit it, theres that excited part cheering inside. god i fucking hate to admit it. i really do because now the strafing fire from kt starts. i know i know i know. and funny enough me and kt just talked about this possibility the other night. wag your fingers, roll your eyes. i know. I KNOW!!!

but i do wanna meet him. i do like talking to him. i am always in a good mood when he calls because talking to him makes me happy. and dammit hes cute, to me hes cute. and he knows how to kill. lol! and he'll be jumping out of airplanes soon. ninja skillz, serious ninja skillz. sacrifice a chicken, gut a cow, pray to jesus h christ himself, make this work out. and isnt that the ironic thing, it probably will work out perfectly but the price will be him being sent all over the world and me having to acquire patience. is this my lesson? patience? and maybe trusting more than i do now? thats what bearclaw says. who knows. but this is it. saturday or bust. no fucking excuses, seriously. plus, how else will we be able to make out if hes not here in person. i reminded him of that. hes on notice yo.

and i am too.

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