Truly Disappointing

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


"all of the rumors, keeping me grounded, I never said (I never said) that they were completely unfounded"

Susan is correct. I am afraid of being open with people. There are parts of me that I keep all to myself. I'm protected that way. Everyone has their secrets. There are things that I don't tell Susan and that drives her nuts. There are things I don't tell Cathy, too, but she seems cool with that. I know she doesn't tell me everything.

So, question:
Do you have to be completely open, no holds barred, balls to the wall unfettered to be emotionally intimate with someone?
I say no. But you all may disagree.

This must be old home week or something. Susan heard from A. I heard from S. Bizarre. Why all in the same week? Is there something in the water?

I've realized over the years that I learn a lot from the people in my life. Not so much liking people in general and being unwilling to let too many of them into my life may have hindered my learning processes. But I will always be incomplete -- a work in progress. Well, until death. Then you're done, right? Do you start to know that as you get old? Do you start knowing that your life is likely to end naturally in the near future? What does that feel like? It must not be all that inspiring, overall, since most of the elderly people I know seem to just be waiting for death. That's depressing. It sucks that you don't really appreciate the value of your youth and energy and the opportunities that come with both until you're one foot in the grave (not Morrissey one foot, but actual one foot).

The impetus for this? We have an annual volunteer social today. We honor the legions of volunteers without whom this agency would shut down by feeding them a lot of sugar. Most of our volunteers are retired. The old ladies all dress up -- red or pink, white hair. It's a sea of Hallmark cheeriness. In my contrary goodness, I'm wearing black and green. But I will put on my pink scarf before I head upstairs to feed senior citizens massive quantities of sugar. Cathy's going to punch them.

(This is the 100th post of Truly Disappointing)


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