Truly Disappointing

Monday, February 13, 2006

forethought

Okay, so how is it exactly that you always think you know what I'm going to say?

Here's my thought:

Stubborn is very close to Stupid. The boundary is not clearly marked and it's very easy to end up in the wrong territory by night without even realizing it. I know. I've been there SO MANY times that I've lost count.

You can't make things into what they aren't. Why does it happen? Because it happens. Neal was right. Suck it up and roll the damn bones.

Oh, and it IS possible to write and not post things.

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Okay, on the vday theory. I am not "afraid" of emotional honesty. But I don't think the pink and red teddy bear hoopla of this idiotic holiday promotes honesty of any sort. I think people buy things and do things because they're guilted into it. I don't want to receive flowers and chocolate out of obligation. If something is done out of obligation, it means less than spontaneous thought and action. Obligation has its place, but I don't see that here.

But you're right with the hair of the dog theory. I have no problem finding relationship-minded men. I'm just not sure I want to go there.

I'm a lot shakier getting into something new than I thought I'd be. I've made my peace with the external aspects of the last fuck up -- as in, I'm okay with him existing and I think I know something about how/why we screwed things up. But I guess I haven't made peace with me, inside, about all that. I'm not as calm, cool, and collected as I thought. I'm so good at the fake out that I even fool me.

3 Comments:

  • i know the gist of what youll say because i know you very well and because it would be something id probably tell you if youd done what i did.

    and yes, i know i can write and not send, but i wouldnt be saying my peace if i hadnt pushed send. and the only thing that could possibly be bad about sending a non-crazy friendly email explaining my peace is that he'll think im nutz or something. and that dont matter much considering he basically dumped me. lol!

    as for v day, i get what youre sayin about obligation. you know youre with a good guy when it doesnt come across like that. good luck with your v day celebration yo. this is the litmus test. lol!

    By Blogger Susan, at 3:42 PM  

  • Ja. I know.

    Are you being funny with the saying your "peace" instead of saying your "piece?" Because I can't tell if it's a joke.

    And frankly, with your inability to let things go, I'm starting to feel bad about the Dear Jenni letter. Because she was just pulling a Susan and demanding to understand and know WHY. So you'd get how that would be annoying, then, right?

    By Blogger kT, at 4:30 PM  

  • see the diff between me and jenni is that i was being crazy. i wasnt asking him why or demanding answers or frankly demanding anything. i was telling and that was it. and i thought the whole southern thing was peace and not piece. i was tryin to be colloquial.

    By Blogger Susan, at 8:02 PM  

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