Truly Disappointing

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Sniper Love...Its Driving Me Mad, Its Driving Me Crazy

wow, theres just a single army boy around every corner isnt there? here i am minding my own business and bam, army man, not army boy, comes barkin up my tree. and kt will love this one, hes 43. ah, older man love, gotta love it?

me and kt have gone round and round about older man love before, since both of us have "tread" that territory before. whats the attraction? i mean, dont people generally want the new model and not the used one? the one full of youthful vigor and lacking as much baggage (ex-wives and kids) that must come with decades more time on this shithole planet? are we just looking for daddy? but with hot sex? what would lead a girl to say, "43, hmmm, yeah, not an issue for me. ok, now fuck me senseless!"?

now with this guy, hes the total package. ok, to me at least. lets examine susan's Hot Boy Criteria Checklist (HBCC for short):

1. seriously hot? check
2. blue eyes? check (oh how they penetrate!)
3. german background? check (and part native american...hairless=hot!!!)
4. educated? check (working on second masters degree)
5. knows how to use a gun? check (marine sniper...yes, i said sniper!)
6. has a softer side? check (he went from being a sniper to being an army nurse...yes, i said nurse!)
7. sense of humor? check
8. wears a beret? check
9. currently single? check
10. has killed men for money? check (yes, he did a job as a contract killer in nicaragua once...once)

ok, i was only kidding about killing men for money being on my checklist, but it was funny...and he actually killed 16 men in order to kill 1 chick....but i digress.

now what the HBCC says about me, other than im clinically insane, i dont know. but see, there was no age requirement. why is that? surely life with army man could only be more difficult with the age gap and belly dancing ex-wife (seriously) and flute playing teenage daughter. yes, she plays flute. he apparently also has a penchant for native american flute. and somehow this native american flute fetish struck me as being weirder than the whole contract killing stint. go figure. im seriously deranged.

so why be attracted to an older man? is it the feeling of stability? is it the alleged wisdom of the age? is it the rugged older man aged wine-esqe looks? is it some ancient sociological/anthropological imperative that leads younger women to older men in that whole laura ingalls/almonzo wilder kind of way? or is it just something we cant control?

i mean, ive always said i like people for who they are and not for their gender or whatever. so i guess that applies to age as well, right? and why is it that we hop so easily into such potential drama? i mean, ask kt, ex-wife and teenage daughter=major fucking drama. but boys can be so cute, like little fluffy puppies just asking to be scratched and played with. how can you say no?

i dunno, ive always been one to hop on board the crazy train (thanks ozzie!) and apparently attraction is just one of those mysteries of the universe like crop circles and why paris hilton is so popular. but look, isnt he cute. and he wears a beret. im sorry, but berets are sexy hot. wouldnt you want this man to totally snipe your heart? and your pants? maybe thats it, the possible sexual experience (in an aged and not in a sleazy way), thats the attraction. the harlequin romance effect, to have your garden pillaged by a swarthy, war weary, older knight? please, rip my bodice, please, seriously, ill pay you...

though perhaps the more interesting question to be asked is why army man as bonafide people killer is a plus. is it that whole protector thing? or is it just cool that hes a total fucking ninja? or am i just deranged? its probably a combo of all of the above. i should totally seek help shouldnt i?

but hey, in the recent vein of kt, if its fun then whats the harm, right? worse case scenario here, he goes nutz, hunts me down, and snipes me. i mean, really, how likely is that? and even if that did happen, it would make a fabulous story for the obits wouldnt it? female cop gunned down by sniper lover, news at 11! i want everyone to know now that i want angelina jolie to play me in the movie version.

1 Comments:

  • And I forgot:

    ALL WE NEED IS ANOTHER DAMN GERMAN LOVE STORY.

    Shee-it. Stubborn-ass krauts.

    By Blogger kT, at 4:48 PM  

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