Truly Disappointing

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

slow forward

Digits were exchanged.

I do wonder when, where, and how I got to be the uber-cautious person -- the overthinking, overplanning worrier of problems yet to come. My parents aren't like this. My brother? Worry? Nah. Just make up a cover story.

And then there's me.

Susan and I joke about how opposite we are about so many things. Not the overthinking. That we share. And I share that with Cathy, too.

Say there is a cliff.

Susan? Talks a lot about the cliff and cliff-related theories. Drives up to it, 45 mph on gravel, BACKWARDS. Crosses fingers, jumps. Most of the time.

Me? I'll go scope the geography of the area, maybe find a USGS topo map that will show me heights of cliffs, research the geology of the region to find out what kind of rock we're dealing with, google cliff-jumping just to see if there's anything new out there that I've missed. I'll find the shoes with the best traction, carefully choose clothing, considering potential wind resistance (and whether that's a good or bad thing) and then, MAYBE jump.

Right now, I'm not researching. I can't research this, really. I'm out of my element because of that.

I'm just a control freak about my environment and try to be about my life. What's up with that?

What do you do when you realize that you are not the person you want to be? Overall, I like me, but there are things I'd like to change. This is one. How do you go about that?

I really should have spent less of December trying to figure out my life. I can't stop now.

For the record and for clarification, I'm not upset, unhappy, or unsatisfied. I'm just trying to figure out where some of my less desirable character traits and issues came from so that I can deal with them and move on.

Did I mention that the digits were exchanged?


  • Atta girl. Go on with your bad self.

    By Anonymous Pinky, at 11:17 AM  

  • I'm a good girl!


    By Blogger kT, at 4:21 PM  

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