Truly Disappointing

Friday, January 06, 2006

Fun With Limericks

silly silly boy, the new james bond is going to be played by actor extraordinaire, daniel craig, who is currently co-starring in the new steven spielberg movie, munich, which i saw and would recommend. i believe craig is either british or australian, which is pretty much the same thing but with more panache. at first i wasnt so sure about him because my hope was for clive owen, but i see the error of my ways and believe that craig is perfect for the role...not that i really care that much about james bond considering i havent seen anything after octopussy! did i miss anything?

as for the mini, i so need to scan pics of the car and m
y injuries into the computer. my lawyer got the film processed so he didnt get a photo cd like i wouldve. oh well, its bad looking though. but thanks for the moment of silence. least we all know shes up there in mini heaven zooming around and having fun.

as for my performance anxiety, why do you find it so funny that i have it? i know i talk a big game at times, but seriously. i think theres generally some trepidation when you are getting back into things you havent done in a while, not that i
m planning on having sex anytime soon. but yes, i communicate with guys about where and how and all that jazz, the issue up to this point has been that the couple of guys i chose (unwisely) didnt give a shit about what i had to say and did not have the caring or patience to wanna figure my body out. thats all on me yo for chosing poorly, but still, you strike out a few times and you start getting worried that its a streak, ya know. im sure im just overthinking things because when i find a decent and caring guy to bang things will work out.

as for sperm wars, i will check it out next time im at the bookstore. ask kt, sex and people totally fascinate me. i practically had my own kinsey study going on at the dinner table every night during college. my newest topic of interest in that area is as
king men and women about their views on facials (men ejaculating onto women's faces, fyi). i found out that several of the guys i work with are really into giving a girl a facial and i would like to know why (considering that they couldnt really verbalize why it was so cool to them). to me it seems as if facials are kinda barbaric, like its the man marking his territory or somehow trying to defile a woman's identity or something . it seems like a power thing. i dunno, im a curious kitty. and as for men being horn dogs, its the testosterone. its all chemical, testosterone gives men a higher sex drive and thus they feel they gotta have sex more often. thats why they give post-menopausal women testosterone when they have sexual difficulties.

ok, as for the letters of rec, i wasnt sure if you were t
elling me to read them or telling the writers to read them. i didnt know what the typical etiquette was regarding rec letters so i didnt think it was appropriate for me to ask to read them before they were sent out. i guess i figured the writers would be more candid knowing i wasnt reading them. and how the fuck would i have reacted and dealt with it if i had been there with them reading these letters, or lack of? we're talking fucking oscar nomination, ok. one funny side note about the letters, turns out the guy who wrote the crazy letter that made him sound retarded just freaked out in a TGIFridays and later went into the chief of police's office and told him hes an alcoholic and needs help. yes ladies and gentlemen, one of my rec letter writers has broken with reality and turned to the bottle. mmmmm yeah, gotta fucking love that fucking luck. i am so screwed and this proves that there are evil forces at work trying to thwart my sorry ass. go me!

as for the game of life, life aint no fucking game apparently or else i just suck at playing it. but i liked the metaphor, daniel, you are officially allowe
d to stay. lol! metaphors rule this sad little world of truly disappointing. and as kt can attest to, when i played life as a kid i did it totally cutthroat, as i do every game i play (including uno). please, never allow me to be in charge of the nuclear bomb button because we will be so screwed.

as for social security, check this shit out. if youre getting social security you are not allowed to work to add to your income. if you work they take your check away. seriously. my dad does a bunch of volunteer type stuff at my old high school and they have offered to pay him for all of his work but if he takes the money he loses his social security. so of course he takes the free money because its more than what he would get for d
oing other stuff. isnt that horrible? they make you dependent on social security or else wholly dependent on some job that probably doesnt pay too much to begin with. thats just not right yo! im surprised my dad hasnt started eating catfood or something. though if he put apple sauce on it he probably would. lol! apparently apple sauce is some kind of german universal condiment or else my dad is just nutz...its even odds on that one. gotta love the us govt catch 22s.

and cathy, yo, come write with us. btw, i gotta apologize to you for my zombie-like performance in bismark. as im sure you can tell here, i am more animated and am not in fact the living dead although i am pale and sometim
es have my out of it moments.

ok as for the 12 step plan, i say we make it something like 14. it just sounds funny, yeah man im working this great 14 step! or we could just come up with stuff and keep changing the number as we go. and should we do it in the form of like commandments? thou shalt not...? thou must blah blah blah or else be smited...? and i swear if theres any mention of god, the almighty, or some mystical bullshit i will fucking smite someone. i love that word, smite. yeah baby.

ok as for the pic, do you have like a bizarre storehouse of weird pics? the cat with the lime rind, this wacko guy. very bizarre. and if you posted a pic i think its time for me to post a pic or two. we can start a series here like Weekly Boy Critique or something. but try to keep the pics small since resolution seems to be an issue. feel free to rip the guy apart, make jokes, write haikus, or whatever. we shall start with my new arm
y boy. now kt has already seen his pic and was not impressed with his huge machine gun (a reaction that i find truly disappointing). lemme know what you think...

observe his hearty midwestern farmboy looks, his piercing green eyes, that sumptuous kissable mouth, that come hither smirk... and hes trained to kill! sweet!!! what more could a girl want? hes edu-macated, can milk a fucking cow, and says he can get lost in bookstores for hours (because he likes books and NOT because hes retarded and just cant find his way out by himself). no whammies, no whammies, no whammies.....stop! jackpot baby yeah!

hmmmm, im feelin a limerick coming on, oh how i love the limerick...

there once was a farmboy soldier,
who could with one look make you smolder.
he pulled out his gun
which made the girls run
'cause his dick was the size of a boulder.
(of course im merely speculating about that last part, but would it really surprise you? lol!)

oh yeah, classic. lmao!!! thats sooooo bad.....but then again what limerick isnt?! i think its clear from this demonstration of my writing prowess that i am officially sleep deprived. you find something else that rhymes with smolder or soldier. its rough man, seriously. ok, time for sleep.


  • Susan, there is no need for an apology - sometimes vacations are supposed to be zombie-time. I will admit, I was expecting a wild and crazy gal.....maybe next time! :o)

    Now, about the facials. Ewww. Unless it will rid me of wrinkles and/or zits, there are way better places to put that. I am very curious about why guys like it, but I think more curious as to why women would!! Keep us posted.

    And - thank you for the invitation to join your group.

    By Blogger Cooth, at 11:52 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home