Truly Disappointing

Friday, January 27, 2006

Beautiful on the Inside

What a crock of shit. Just minutes after posting that, I regretted it. I'm NOT beautiful on the inside. I think that is just some sort of fat girl cliche. I have issues with my weight. I have food issues. I have issues with my parents from childhood right up to yesterday. I have issues with my sister. I have major conflict avoidance issues. I have humongus fear of rejection issues.

I wish I was better educated. I wish I was more up-to-date on current events. I wish I cared more about current events. I wish I could get past my last relationship. I wish I didn't cry when I get angry. I wish I was better at standing up for myself. I wish I was better at expressing my thoughts and feelings. I wish I had seen Moulin Rouge in the theater. Which I could have if I wasn't afraid to go to the movies alone.

I can be very passive-aggressive. I can play the martyr. I can't pretend to like people that I don't. I ramble when I'm nervous. I overthink everything. I suck at saving money. I'm afraid of being alone forever. I like things to go my way. I'm stubborn. I can be mean. I'm premenstrual. Good thing I don't have a gun.

So, no, not beautiful on the inside. Very messy and ugly in there.

1 Comments:

  • "beautiful" and "tidy" are not the same thing.

    By Blogger kT, at 10:42 AM  

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